“Mom, how do you feel about cremation as opposed to a casket burial?”
As I studied my mother’s face, I knew this was going to be a difficult conversation. I’m in my seventies and my mother is in her mid-nineties. Clearly, I had put off certain discussions for too long.
I think many of us are afraid to tackle subjects with our aging parents that we find uncomfortable. As my mother shifted in her chair she spoke softly, “I am open to either.”
Little did I know that three months later my mother would pass away and this conversation would become very relevant. Her death was less stressful because of our talks. We had explored the challenges of shipping a body to Oregon for burial, and together considered the option of cremation and the placement of her urn in my father’s casket.
Too many discussions concerning aging are left unspoken and can lead to hostility between children and their parents.
How many times have you heard adult children remarking about their parent’s driving habits? Instead of waiting for an accident to happen or living with the hope that a doctor takes away a license, consider a discussion with your aging parent about possible alternatives for transportation.
Some worry that their parents may take medications that they no longer need or that are not correctly dosed. Consider asking your parents if they would allow you to accompany them to their next appointment.
It is important to be aware of where your parents’ documents and passwords are located. Help parents to create a notebook of contacts for their estate, important banking information and copies of their advanced directives.
Discussions about living arrangements are likely to be one of the most challenging conversations. Most of us want to continue living in our own homes as we age. Researching alternatives such as assisted living in advance is critical.
Many tough topics of conversation can create anger or tears but, in the long run, are necessary for everyone.
The Huntington Beach Senior Center in Central Park is offering a series of informative and interactive workshops to help us positively discuss sensitive topics related to aging: “Difficult Discussions: Meaningful Conversations About What Matters.”
The first of five discussions will be held on June 6 at the Huntington Beach Senior Center, 18041 Goldenwest St. Park, from 5 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. This event will be limited to a small number of people. Call the Senior Center at 714374-1572 for reservations.